Can Some Smart People edit this for me? Please I need It for School!?

I need to know if this is good or if you could edit it a bit more that would be helpful

Hello this is David� �s Life Story; here are some interesting key facts about him. Well in December of 2007, David became the biggest Indiana Jones fan ever. And in the November of 2006 David started playing Club Penguin (it is an online game where you are a penguin and can play games and talk to friends). In the conclusion I will tell you something scary about David, not mean though.
Here is what David has to say about Jesus and the Bible. To be Christian in David� �s point of view is to know Jesus died for you and someday you will go to heaven. The happiest moment of David� �s life is accepting Jesus. What do you think � �love your neighbour as yourself� � means? Well to David it means treat everybody as much as you treat yourself. Jesus saved David so he could go to heaven. The three most significant times of David� �s life are: accepting Jesus, getting a wii and getting club penguin membership. So you can see David loves Jesus, that� �s why he� �s so nice.
Now David� �s family is quite unique. You should know when David� �s birthday is; Sept. 27 and he was born in Saskatoon. In David� �s family there is Michael (little brother), Victoria (little sister), Ronaldo (Dad), Jacqueline (Mom), John (little brother). The saddest time of David� �s life is when his grandpa died, but don� �t worry he doesn� �t remember him. Pets are family everyone knows that, David has a fish.
You have favourite things, right? Well so does David. The person David admires is a guy called Mr. Lance that� �s because he gave our church $ 35 million. The books he likes are awesome; I read them to, The Hobbit and The Return of the King. David loves Indiana Jones as I said in the Introduction. The best and favourite subjects of David� �s choices are Math, PE and Sci. David loves movies so he likes soundtracks. The All American Rejects are the Band of David� �s Choice. So there are David� �s interesting Interests.
David is getting older so he� �ll need to work; here are his top 5 choices. When David is 16 he hopes to work for club penguin. At the age of twenty he hopes to still work for CP, and not be fired or quit. At the age 25 David wants to go to Medical School. Finally at age 30 he hopes to be a professionally trained doctor. Aren� �t those amazing job choices?
Now you know David isn� �t he an interesting guy? Here is the scary fun fact! Well everyday he drinks 4 litres of milk! On that note this biography is finished. Be David� �s friend!

Not only do you have alot of run on sentences but the essay doesn't have a flow. Instead of using his name so much use "he". I mean, you have already established who you are speaking about.

I'm putting my suggestions and corrects in () parenthesis so here it goes:

Hello(,) this is (italicize or underline or put it in quotes the David's Life Story)David� �s Life Story; here are some interesting key facts about him. (Take out the well just say:) (In) December of 2007, David became the biggest Indiana Jones fan ever. [And in the November of 2006 David started playing Club Penguin (it is an online game where you are a penguin and can play games and talk to friends).] In the conclusion I will tell you something scary about David, not mean though.

Ok for the bracketed place I would re write that like oh and put the bracketed area before the "In December of 2007" because you want the more older dates to be first and then lead into the later dates:

In November of 2006, David started playing Club Penguin, an online game where you are a penguin and can play games and talk to friends.

Since Jesus and the Bible are figures i think you should elaborate more on them like say who Jesus is and what the Bible is.

*****Here is what David has to say about Jesus and the Bible. To be Christian in David� �s point of view is to know Jesus died for you and someday you will go to heaven.***(for this sentence the "you" in the you will go to heaven part should not belong there try replacing it or taking it out and making your sentence work** The happiest moment of David� �s life is accepting Jesus. What do you think (the single quotes should be double quotes so change that because single quotes are used for when someone is talking and you are quoting what that person verbally said)� �love your neighbour as yourself� � means? Well to David(,) it means (to) treat everybody as much as you treat yourself. Jesus saved David so he could go to heaven. (The transfer of the sentence before and the sentence after sounds funny i suggest you add something in there to make it sound like it leads into "The three most significant...." instead of directly going into it without much lead)The three most significant times of David� �s life are: accepting Jesus, getting a wii(you could put a comma after wii you dont have to) and getting (a) club penguin membership. [Though these significant times of David's life,] you can see (how much) David loves Jesus [making him] so nice.
(Take out the Now) David� �s family is quite unique. You should know when David� �s birthday is; Sept. 27 and (that) he was born in Saskatoon. In David� �s family there is Michael (little brother), Victoria (little sister), Ronaldo (Dad), Jacqueline (Mom), (and) John (little brother). The saddest time of David� �s life is when his grandpa died, but don� �t worry he doesn� �t remember him. Pets are family everyone knows that, David has a fish.

I think you should include that paragraph above before as the first paragraph because it sounds more like an intro and an introduction of his family and himself.

You have favourite (i think its spelled favorite but may be different for you) things, right? Well so does David. The person David admires is a guy called Mr. Lance that� �s because he gave our church $ 35 million. The books he likes are awesome; I read them to, The Hobbit and The Return of the King. David loves Indiana Jones as I said in the Introduction. The best and favourite subjects of David� �s choices are Math, PE and Sci. David loves movies so he likes soundtracks. The All American Rejects are the Band of David� �s Choice. So there are David� �s interesting Interests.
David is getting older so he� �ll need to work; here are his top 5 choices. When David is 16 he hopes to work for club penguin. At the age of twenty he hopes to still work for CP, and not be fired or quit. At the age 25 David wants to go to Medical School. Finally at age 30 he hopes to be a professionally trained doctor. Aren� �t those amazing job choices?
Now you know David isn� �t he an interesting guy? Here is the scary fun fact! Well everyday he drinks 4 litres of milk! On that note this biography is finished. Be David� �s friend!

Overall your essay has a lot of run on sentences i suggest rewording them or cutting them down to two sentences instead of one. The sentences I put ***** 5 stars before and after are run on as far as I know.

You do not have to use all my corrections this is just a quick read of your essay and fixing what I can fix.

I didn't finish grading it but I think you got the jist of what you need to fix so good luck on your essay I have to go to work now

were you suppose to say david at the beginning of every sentence?If not then its not that good.

well im just going to tell you that you have ALOT of run-ons. try to start a new sentence or use a semi-colon instead of a coma.

What a great job of getting feelings and hopes across! I feel as if I know this person, and that is a good thing!
Be sure to watch your punctuation, and you have a lot of short, perky sentences. But hey, that's your style and that's OK. Correct punctuation is very important though.
Read your piece through again and again and again. Be thorough and concentrate and your mistakes will almost magically appear to you. Fix them and read it again. Then repeat!
You got your point across, and you seem like an individual who knows what they want. Stick to it!

#If you have any other info about this subject , Please add it free.#

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